Thursday, February 16, 2012

His forgiveness.

I posted my confession to something I am not proud of and I felt you should all know the response I got.
I'm sorry my once love. I'm sorry. It hurts, but I understand your hatred. I expected nothing less then for you to speak your mind. I appreciate your honesty towards all this. I do love you, and I will forever remember how it used to be.

From: Greg -

I loved you more than anyone I had every known. You gave me the most beautiful moments in my life... you were supposed to be my soulmate... we were supposed to be married... I invested so much into you and what did you do?

You destroyed the best & most beautiful thing I ever had with lies & cheating.

You will NEVER, EVER be forgiven.

I HATE you for what you did. You betrayed me, you betrayed love, and for that I never want to see/hear from you again. You make me sick.

Don't ever say you love me, you are cheating scum, and you don't deserve to speak the word.

We could of had everything if you just told the truth, but now all you are is my biggest, most painful mistake.

Do not write back, do not speak of me, I want nothing to do with you.

I will do all I can to forget you, you owe it to me to allow me to erase your ugly cheating/lying stain from my memory..

My Reply: - 
I promise I will never speak to you again from this day forward. 
I only want you to know that I am truly sorry, I only did what you once did, I found inspiration, something that brought light to my life and I followed it.
You were a dark and sick cancer that ate away at who I was regardless of how much I loved you, or how much you loved me. 
We were destined to fail after the first time you left me so brutally.
I am deeply sorry for the mistake I have made, and because of it I will always be alone.
Please only ever remember the good moments.... we were soulmates, that doesn't mean its meant to work the way we planned.
Be well, please....please be well. Take care of yourself for you are beautiful. Remember who you are and don't change for anyone unless it's for the better.
I love you

I'm sorry.

You know I was going to write this long blog about all the bad things that happened between me and and Greg because I'm angry and I'm hurt. I have decided I will hopefully make this my last words about it, not to ruin or bash anyone, not to spite anyone, only to tell the truth.

After Greg sent me to Canada to miscarry our child, and get better from my infection he had broken up with me numerous time's, the last time he came running to me asking me to come home, I was so hurt from losing him so many times I had gone to an old friend to talk to, I needed to be told I was okay.
Randall and I spent everyday together, I felt safe being around a friend who cared.... keep in mind we were not together... we were only friends.

Greg asked me to come back home and I said yes, I was excited to go home but I was scared only the same old thing would happen. I would get off the plane, everything would be amazing, we would have the passion back that we once had, and after a few months it would slowly fade away due to my insecurities and his inability to stop getting so angry.

What I have done is not right and I am not proud of it.

Yes, I did emotionally "cheat" on Greg, but I have never physically cheated on him, I would never.
I had full intentions of going home when he wanted me to, I was going to leave everything behind again.
Emotionally I was pulled in by being told there was nothing wrong me and that I was a beautiful person who deserved the world and nothing less, despite my flaws that I make very clear, opposed to constantly being told what was wrong with me.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with Randall, he treats me right, and he makes me happy, but it will never be anything like what I had with my husband. I will love, and I will live, but I will never forget.

As soon as Greg left me this last time I ran to Randall, and he took me in.

This is the truth, and I am sorry.

To Greg: I wish I had acted differently, and I wish I never lied about anything, I wish we could be friends but we never can.
I want you to be happy, and I am sorry you are hurting. I am truly sorry I hurt you.
I will never forgive myself, but I hope you somehow forgive me one day.
It is not my fault, and it is not yours. We both contributed to our fall, we are both at great fault for the tragedy that was our losing each other. I still look at your pictures and cry, I still think about you, I still miss you, I still call your phone just to hear your voice, and I still love you. I may be a hypocrite and get jealous and angry when I found you have moved on, but deep down I just wish you the best. If you have, or do find someone I hope they are everything you ever wanted. If she ever hurts you, I'll kick her ass lol. :/
As much as I love you, and you know I do... we were never meant to be, and if we are, fate will take care of that.

-To this day in my life time this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to write, and it hurt greatly.
I expect the worst to come from it, and frankly I deserve it.