You know I was going to write this long blog about all the bad things that happened between me and and Greg because I'm angry and I'm hurt. I have decided I will hopefully make this my last words about it, not to ruin or bash anyone, not to spite anyone, only to tell the truth.
After Greg sent me to Canada to miscarry our child, and get better from my infection he had broken up with me numerous time's, the last time he came running to me asking me to come home, I was so hurt from losing him so many times I had gone to an old friend to talk to, I needed to be told I was okay.
Randall and I spent everyday together, I felt safe being around a friend who cared.... keep in mind we were not together... we were only friends.
Greg asked me to come back home and I said yes, I was excited to go home but I was scared only the same old thing would happen. I would get off the plane, everything would be amazing, we would have the passion back that we once had, and after a few months it would slowly fade away due to my insecurities and his inability to stop getting so angry.
What I have done is not right and I am not proud of it.
Yes, I did emotionally "cheat" on Greg, but I have never physically cheated on him, I would never.
I had full intentions of going home when he wanted me to, I was going to leave everything behind again.
Emotionally I was pulled in by being told there was nothing wrong me and that I was a beautiful person who deserved the world and nothing less, despite my flaws that I make very clear, opposed to constantly being told what was wrong with me.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy with Randall, he treats me right, and he makes me happy, but it will never be anything like what I had with my husband. I will love, and I will live, but I will never forget.
As soon as Greg left me this last time I ran to Randall, and he took me in.
This is the truth, and I am sorry.
To Greg: I wish I had acted differently, and I wish I never lied about anything, I wish we could be friends but we never can.
I want you to be happy, and I am sorry you are hurting. I am truly sorry I hurt you.
I will never forgive myself, but I hope you somehow forgive me one day.
It is not my fault, and it is not yours. We both contributed to our fall, we are both at great fault for the tragedy that was our losing each other. I still look at your pictures and cry, I still think about you, I still miss you, I still call your phone just to hear your voice, and I still love you. I may be a hypocrite and get jealous and angry when I found you have moved on, but deep down I just wish you the best. If you have, or do find someone I hope they are everything you ever wanted. If she ever hurts you, I'll kick her ass lol. :/
As much as I love you, and you know I do... we were never meant to be, and if we are, fate will take care of that.
-To this day in my life time this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to write, and it hurt greatly.
I expect the worst to come from it, and frankly I deserve it.