Thursday, February 16, 2012

I'm sorry.

You know I was going to write this long blog about all the bad things that happened between me and and Greg because I'm angry and I'm hurt. I have decided I will hopefully make this my last words about it, not to ruin or bash anyone, not to spite anyone, only to tell the truth.

After Greg sent me to Canada to miscarry our child, and get better from my infection he had broken up with me numerous time's, the last time he came running to me asking me to come home, I was so hurt from losing him so many times I had gone to an old friend to talk to, I needed to be told I was okay.
Randall and I spent everyday together, I felt safe being around a friend who cared.... keep in mind we were not together... we were only friends.

Greg asked me to come back home and I said yes, I was excited to go home but I was scared only the same old thing would happen. I would get off the plane, everything would be amazing, we would have the passion back that we once had, and after a few months it would slowly fade away due to my insecurities and his inability to stop getting so angry.

What I have done is not right and I am not proud of it.

Yes, I did emotionally "cheat" on Greg, but I have never physically cheated on him, I would never.
I had full intentions of going home when he wanted me to, I was going to leave everything behind again.
Emotionally I was pulled in by being told there was nothing wrong me and that I was a beautiful person who deserved the world and nothing less, despite my flaws that I make very clear, opposed to constantly being told what was wrong with me.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with Randall, he treats me right, and he makes me happy, but it will never be anything like what I had with my husband. I will love, and I will live, but I will never forget.

As soon as Greg left me this last time I ran to Randall, and he took me in.

This is the truth, and I am sorry.

To Greg: I wish I had acted differently, and I wish I never lied about anything, I wish we could be friends but we never can.
I want you to be happy, and I am sorry you are hurting. I am truly sorry I hurt you.
I will never forgive myself, but I hope you somehow forgive me one day.
It is not my fault, and it is not yours. We both contributed to our fall, we are both at great fault for the tragedy that was our losing each other. I still look at your pictures and cry, I still think about you, I still miss you, I still call your phone just to hear your voice, and I still love you. I may be a hypocrite and get jealous and angry when I found you have moved on, but deep down I just wish you the best. If you have, or do find someone I hope they are everything you ever wanted. If she ever hurts you, I'll kick her ass lol. :/
As much as I love you, and you know I do... we were never meant to be, and if we are, fate will take care of that.

-To this day in my life time this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to write, and it hurt greatly.
I expect the worst to come from it, and frankly I deserve it.

21 comments:

  1. This is a good way of saying goodbye.

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  2. You're so honest, you deserve more respect than you receive. I hope things go well for you, dear. :)

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  3. I seriously hope you move on hun.

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  4. You did an amazing job transferring into words. I don't think anyone can fully blame you for anything that's gone on. I hope that you writing this means you realize it's an issue from the past, and that this is the end.
    Good luck in your life, be happy. <3

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  5. I think you did a great thing by writing this, it was right. I hope all goes well from now on for you.

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  6. Glad you finally came out of your lying bombshell and admitted you didn't have your miscarriage on Greg's bedroom floor.

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  7. ^ fuck you, the fact that she miscarried at all is stressful, you're a cunt and i hope YOU miscarry.

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    1. Oh just shut up. That's a horrible thing to wish on someone, no matter how much of a jerk they are being. Don't act like an immature little cunt.

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    2. That's terrible! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy! You are officially a bigger asshole than Steffffy.

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    3. as a woman who has miscarried, what she said, was not only disrespectful to another human being, it showed a lack of compassion for the situation at hand, It doesn't matter, where it happened, it doesn't matter when it happened What matters is that it happened and for the months after regardless of who she is, what she did or how she lied, stefffy should've never said that . The only way she would remotely understand is by having it happen herself. And Tokishone, you wouldn't say that in real life don't say it here.

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  8. one of u probobly are co-depended or from a disfunctional family. That would explane it all. I recognise the realation mistreating.

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  9. Dear Shiloh,


    Thats good Shiloh for finally admitting your sorry about hurting Greg, that you finally apologized for you behavior. But "Cheating" is still cheating no matter if it's physical or emotional. But yes try to be happy with Randell.

    Best of luck

    Your fan,
    Tyler

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  10. Not sure what to think on both ends because only they were in a relationship but as far as what she has to say...I get where she's coming from, i've emotionally cheated on my significant other. And for someone to say 'cheating is cheating' have you ever been through a horrible relationship, living with someone, being married, or having a full on LIFE with someone. I know some may say it's easy to just walk away, but unless you're in that spot, you really can't judge what you would do. I know for me I didnt realize the emotional cheating was there until I was confronted with it by a friend, I do not condone physically cheating at all, but sometimes with our emotions we don't realize the depth of how someone else effected us until it's too late. Shiloh you're still young and so is greg...forgiveness isn't about the other person when you are genuine in your words, it's about forgiving yourself, moving on & becoming a better person. I hope you are happy & time does heal all wounds. And 'someone' wrote on twitter that they could never forgive a cheater...well lets hope everyone realized no matter the shit we've done someone always forgave them.

    Just a fan...
    Patty

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  11. I bet you talking ab out how Greg was so great and that Randall will never be like that...makes Randall just feel awesome. You should stop talking about Greg so much and focus more on Randall. He doesn't deserve being compared to Greg all the time.

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  12. It's not your fault and deep down you know it, there's not excuse to the way he treats women.

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  13. You deserve happiness, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Rock on!

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  14. You.. are better than that manipulative abusive twerp. He never deserved you. He doesn't deserve anyone.

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  15. What's emotionally cheating? How do you even do it?

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