Friday, July 15, 2011

Ruined


At this point in my life I can officially say I have hit my end, my limit, my point of no return.


I thought so many time's that I had been broken, that my heart had been broken.
This time it's real unfortunately.
My spirit and every bit of love for myself I had before has been ripped out of me.


I could probably say it's my own fault. My own fault for being blind and just throwing love to the wind and seeing what happens.
But at the same time when you give it all you've got it's will shattering to see it all crumble and mean nothing to anyone but you.


I have my flaws, I make my mistakes and I'm not a perfect...or easy person to deal with.
I am stubborn, and I hold an angry argument. I'm protective and moderately jealous as well.
But when I love...I give it all I have, I put my heart and soul into it and I don't let anyone tell me different, I always take care of the one I love no matter what.


I feel a sense of defeat...like I have no more left, I'm finally done.
I've been wondering when this day would come, and when I would finally just...give up, and well I have....I have given up.



14 comments:

  1. Oh, Shiloh. I promise you things will change. Sometimes for the better, others for the worse. It's times like these that feel so incredibly unbearable, but all you can and have to do is get back up and keep going. As cheesy as it is, leave it to time to fix things.(:

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  2. I'm going through sort of the same thing as you are, and I know somewhat how you feel. But, things will get better..it just takes times. Don't give up. In not too long, you'll look back and all of this won't seem as bad, it won't be such a big deal as it is now. Just hang in there; don't give up ever, you're a beautiful and wonderful person, believe that. Believe in yourself.

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  3. you're still young girly, you'll get through this. I had my whole life ripped out from under me a few years back by another man, but it went far past physical and mental abuse, and that happened for years. I told myself nothing could bring me down even though I felt like I was in a 50ft well staring up at the stars during the day. I felt like I was stupid for letting a man take advantage of me and my potential for so many years. Then I woke up one day, and realized it was for the better. The first thing I did was move into a very old friends house, someone I had known since I was 6. There I met someone (his cousin) and after a few months, and still seeing my ex around town I told myself I had to move away. Me and my fiancee (we got engaged a few months after moving) moved 700 miles away. A midnight move is what my mom calls it, packing up and leaving after deciding to that day. I still live here 3 years later, and couldn't be happier, all I needed to do was make a big change in my life. You should try and do the same, not move away, just make a big change in your life, for YOUR happiness, no one else. Just do what is best for you, don't listen to anyone's heart but your own, and you'll make it through this. just stay positive
    Blessed be )O(

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  5. Shiloh, I'm genuinely scared for you! Before anything terribly big happens, I wish you can take a deep breath and look at something else, focus on something else. Perhaps your flaw is just that you think too much--me, too! Focus on one thing at a time and be with those that care about you. I hope you feel better soon! None of us want to see you give up!

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  6. Girl, get better. make your mental health your number one priority. You can work through this. It will take a while and it won't be fun, but you can come out of this better and stronger.

    Not sure if you are into yoga, meditation etc. But I think it could do wonders for you. And when you get better, you can help others who have gone through the same thing.

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  7. Alright, everything's gonna be so bright... The lyrics that got me through the most difficult time of my life. You're still young and beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you. I know I'm just like any other person, but I'm a good listener and if you need someone to talk to email me. leavesofbeauty@gmail.com

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  8. I love how you deleted me from FB,ill be a TROLL and tell you here your fucking crazy.

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  9. It hurts right niw but chalk this up to a lesson learned babe,get back in the studio and use the talent you was born with :)
    Your going to be okay babe all the best Tara xxxx

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  10. shiloh i may have not experienced your situation before but i can say that you need to try to just move on...all you can really do is explain to people your side of the story and its up to the people to decide the rest...his career downfall is nearing people have not been watching his vids like they use too plus he is getting boring rude to others who have done him no wrong because of their beliefs and just plain annoying...but you your a singer and when singers falls they always have the chance of a comback and start all over again and eventually people will just shut up and go look for something els to obsessed over and hate on...remember that your better than he is plus you still have your life to live and i dont mean alone i mean with friends make as many memories with your friends and family because when you finally settle down with someone friends fade away because they have formed their own lives and family and that will be the world to them...so just have fun while you still can with those you care about that care about you in return and never wish pain upon you....

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  11. ^^^^ sorry i think it came out as anonymous...my comminit

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  12. Shiloh, take this anger/frustration/sorrow and take it to the studio. Or just take it to your room with a guitar and a keyboard. You need to let this out, and this is the way that an artist vents their emotions/feelings; by creating. Turn your pain into something beautiful, begin to create again.

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  13. I feel kind of guilty reading your post as they are so personal but for whatever its worth the hurt and pain you feel now will fade in time.
    Please don't take this offensive but have you thought of seeing a therapist? They do wonders sometimes it's all on finding the right one for you to sit and vent to.
    I am no expert babe but i know by lifes experiences that sometimes it just takes time to figure out who we are and what we really want to do in life,as with all us women we have are ups and downs we're all bloody manic lol
    Anyway love i wish you all the best and be true to yourself Shiloh.
    Don't let your talent go down the drain either get back in the studio and make some more hits:)

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  14. Sing, Shiloh. Sing your heart out.

    And I look out my window, not thinking of my mistakes. Everything is all good. What else can I create to ruin me?

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